📱Tech Giant Has a Canine CEO (seriously)

In Today’s Email:

• #wtf: Twitter’s new CEO rocks Silicon Valley.

• Homeward Bound: an Alaskan journey not for the faint of heart.

• We spent $137B on our pets last year. Guilty 👋

• “The Squeeze” aka The Internet’s Best Dog News in 60 seconds.

• The Last Laugh: What we’re laughing with. Not at.

Twitter’s Top Dog Is Calling the Shots.

Side note: we wanted to try and keep this article to 140 characters and tweet it.

Spoiler: we failed.

The pioneers of the “status update” anointed Floki (not pictured above), a Shiba Inu puppy, as Twitter’s new CEO.

…and it wasn’t just anyone that smacked the gavel. The world’s second wealthiest man in the world, Elon Musk (recently dethroned by Bernard Arnault), made the abrupt decision in an interview with BBC.

So meet Floki.

He’s named after a character from the show Vikings (here’s the character profile if you’re dying for a visual). Floki is coming up on his 3rd birthday in May.

We aren’t waving a finger at Floki’s new position. We’re judging the collateral damage that will likely ensue.

We can’t forget Twitter’s recent run on layoffs. Allow us to refresh your memory:

• October 2022 Twitter Workforce: 7,500 employees

• January 2023 Twitter Workforce: 2,000 employees

• March 2023 Twitter Workforce: 1,800 employees

For non-mathletes, that’s a 76% attrition rate since Musk completed his Twitter purchase for $44 billion in October. The tech industry has always been the gold standard when it comes to employee retention programs with some boasting wellness stipends, catered meals and on-site laundry services (to name a few), but the industry’s lavish programs have been heavily scrutinized with costs under a microscope. Twitter isn’t alone. Facebook, Netflix and Google (which comprise most of the FANNG stocks) have collectively decided to trim headcount as a drastic cost-cutting measure.

As Michael Corleone poignantly stated: “It’s not personal. It’s strictly business.”

Sure. We get it…

…but announcing to the world that the principle figurehead of a publicly-traded company with a $43 billion market cap is now a dog may not be the most well-received message to a bruised workforce that continues to look over its shoulder.

The core issue: employee morale.

Human resource departments everywhere have essentially “weaponized” canines in the office as a means of keeping spirits high.

The International Journal of Workplace Health Management concluded that when dogs are present in the office, employees often feel more relaxed, which can lead to better job performance and a more positive work environment.

Another study by the University of Missouri found that dogs in the workplace can increase trust, collaboration, and job satisfaction among employees.

Not sold? Virginia Commonwealth University followed 76 employees who brought their dogs to work and 447 employees who did not. The researchers found that employees who brought their dogs to work had significantly lower perceived stress levels throughout the day compared to employees who did not bring their dogs to work. The study also found that dogs in the workplace can reduce employee turnover.

Opinion: Musk’s move is problematic.

Canine companionship in the office creates a pleasant environment. Dogs have the power to alter a company’s culture by just being present, and more employers are adopting pet-friendly accommodations as a means of luring employees back to the office.

Musk flubbed this.

Announcing that a dog will be taking a leadership position within a company that has been experiencing an incredibly turbulent year isn’t the most sensitive approach to the remaining 1,800 employees (to put it nicely).

Top-down messaging is critical for a company looking to recapture an identity, and working at Twitter in 2023 is equivalent to a hellbent version of a Silicon Valley Hunger Games tournament.

But… Musk is gonna Musk, and all this realistically did was confirm that he will not be the goodest boy in the C-Suite.

#inflokiwetrust

Overheard at a coffee shop:

“I got my poodle, Luna, a year ago. She cost me $3,000 and is hypoallergenic.”

“That’s nice. I found my cat in an engine.”

- Beanz and Co. - Avon, Connecticut

Aussie Treks over 150 Miles of Alaskan Tundra to Get Home.

This is not your morning commute.

The next time you venture to Alaska’s Bering Strait, remember to bring a leash.

An Alaskan family visiting the island of Savoogna showed up with Nanuq, their 1-year-old Australian Shepherd. Days later, they left without him. With the island’s surrounding waters completely frozen over, Nanuq fled, leaving his family in shambles.

One month later, his owner, Mandy, received a call.

"My dad texted me and said, 'There's a dog that looks like Nanuq in Wales,'" said Mandy Iworrigan, Nanuq’s owner. "I was like, 'No freakin' way! That's our dog! What is he doing in Wales?'" she said.

To answer your question, Mandy: completing one of the most unlikely survival journeys imaginable. Wales is over 150 miles away from Savoogna, and Nanuq’s journey wasn’t a walk in the park.

With visible bite marks, locals assume Nanuq had to fend off either seals or bears while searching for safety. Pair this with the fact that Nanuq had to also champion this on the Bearing Strait for over 150 miles on…oh yeah… ice, and you have nothing short of a real life Homeward Bound major motion picture in the making.

What makes this even more unbelievable? Alaska’s March isn’t what you experience in Texas, Kevin. With highs reaching 29 degrees and overnight lows hovering around a brisk 18 degrees, Nanuq had every environmental disadvantage imaginable.

The moral of the story: be more like Nanuq. Also, microchip your pets! The Wales community was able to identify Nanuq and locate his owner because of his chip!

Imagine Nanuq’s GoPro footage? 👀

🚨 Public Service Announcement 🚨

It’s time for spring cleaning. Do so responsibly…

Pets Are Emptying Our Pockets 💰

We love our pets. Outside of weddings and funerals, there isn’t a category we’re less aware of when it comes to our frivolous spending.

We spent a collective $136.8B on our pets in 2022. This year’s forecast is said to be $143.6B…and it’s not slowing down. For perspective: we spent $90B in 2018. Woof.

These writers contribute heavily. Guilty as charged 👋… but we aren’t at the top of the pyramid:

• 6% of Americans are spending more on pet's food than they do on their own food. #sideeye

• 11% of Americans admitted to spending the same amount on their pets as they do their own weekly grocery shopping. 😬

“SO WHERE SHOULD I CUT BACK, DOG JUICE?!”

…we can’t answer that, but here’s a breakdown of the industry’s most lucrative categories:

1. Pet food and treats: $42 billion

2. Vet care and products: $31.4 billion

3. Supplies and over-the-counter medicine: $22.1 billion

4. Pet services like grooming and boarding: $8.1 billion

Fear not…the average pet owner spends $1,480/year on a dog and $902/year on a cat.

We know you’re not average, Pam, but here’s how average yearly spending looks:

Conclusion: dogs are loved more than cats. Just kidding! (but not really)

Actual conclusion: if you’re spending less than $1,480/year on Fido, he’s expecting a hoverboard for the holidays. We don’t make the rules.

“The Squeeze”: Dog News In 60 Seconds

• 💤 Dogs are getting bored. Don’t take our word for it. Keep a look out for these 3 signs your dog is watching paint dry.

• 🐶 Think your puppy hit a growth spurt? Here are the breeds that grow the most with one sprouting 900%. It’s not Clifford.

• 🎥 We have a real life Snoopy, people! That is all.

• 🎖 President Biden visited Ireland last week and stopped by President Higgin’s home. He didn’t make it far enough to ring the doorbell. President Higgin’s Bernese mountain dog rolled out the red carpet.

• 🦠 Antibiotic-resistant “Superbugs” are being passed between cats, dogs, and their owners. Stay informed.

• 👮 Think twice before pocketing that pack of gum, New York. RoboCop…ahem…RoboDog might be the one cuffing you the next time you shoplift…

• 🐁 …and in case you thought we were done with you, New York City, strap in. Rat hunters are on the loose, so you may not find rodents in your leftover ramen bowls at 3am.

• 💰 Want a side hustle?! Petsitting is in demand, and pet owners are willing to pay whatever it takes to get their fur baby with the right person. Here are the tips necessary to build your petsitting empire.

• 🥰 26.2 miles? Nothing. Golden retrievers gathered to cross the Boston Marathon finish line in support of the race’s late pets, Spencer and Penny. We’re corgi owners with long leg envy…so strut what your momma gave ya, goldens.

• 📺 Are you a Succession fan? Are you getting a puppy?! You’re welcome.

Today’s Last Laugh:

If anyone tells this sheep that he isn’t a dog, we’re throwing fists